A wife doesn’t make a life; a couple does. Reading Judith Warner’s The Opt-Out Generation Opts Back In in Sunday’s New York Times, I wondered about the thousands of pivotal moments missing from the article. I’m talking about the quick chat over morning coffee, a glass of wine together while kids do homework, or late-night pillow…Read more
Why Gatsby and Daisy Aren’t Soulmates
Baz Luhrmann’s “The Great Gatsby” got me thinking about what makes a soulmate. Picking out Daisy’s green light at the end of his dock, Gatsby has “orgastic” dreams of romping “like the mind of God,” of listening to “the tuning-fork that had been struck upon a star.” Daisy, in Gatsby’s mind, is his soulmate. She catches…Read more
21 Minutes a Year to a Stronger Marriage
Julia and Jack (all name and details disguised here) looked like a couple with a bright future: two attractive, successful thirty-year-olds who had been thoroughly enjoying their engagement when they came to my Manhattan office for premarital counseling. We worked on communication and conflict-management skills and I sensed that they were eager to learn and…Read more
Want a Winning Marriage? Stop Keeping Score
So tempting, when we’re disappointed or frustrated with our relationship, to turn into the play-by-play commentator. “I did the cleaning and the shopping,” we say on an overscheduled weekend. “You just did one errand.” Or “I initiated sex three times this month and you only did twice.” Or “We’re way over budget this month but…Read more
The Downton Abbey Guide to Couples Counseling
Why did we all love Downton? The period costumes. The stunning interiors and table settings. And, of course, those gorgeous hats. But mostly, I’m thinking, it was the dialogue. No blaring electronics. No foul language. No one used “like” as a verbal tic or ended a declarative sentence with a question mark. Conversation on Downton…Read more
