What a stressful time this is for many relationships. Partners and family members often have different views and different styles of coping with anxiety. The sheer volume of data we encounter daily can be overwhelming: it’s hard to tell what’s true. When political disagreements arise with those closest to us, the pain is real. It cuts deep.
Every day brings uncertainty, feeding into the emotional chaos. For those who grew up in homes with instability or where adults were not trustworthy, this sense of powerlessness can feel all too familiar. Overwhelming. These are big feelings.
But what can we do when we feel so small against such a massive tide of instability that affects our most cherished relationships? I set up my practice in NYC in 2008. I’ve been helping people manage stress from inside and outside their relationships for a long time now. Over the years I’ve learned a few things!
It helps to remind ourselves of what we can control and what we can’t. For example, you can’t control what news your brother-in-law consumes or how other people interpret political events. But you can choose to take actions, even small ones in your neighborhood or community, that feel right to you. These small actions help you feel empowered and genuinely add up.
Besides taking action, it’s essential to take care of your own nervous system. This is not about retreating or escaping the problems of the world. It’s about self-regulating, so you can continue to show up in meaningful ways. Limit your screen time to specific periods each day instead of scrolling through news and outrage memes nonstop.
For some people, mindfulness techniques like meditation are a great way to calm down, but for others, they can make the mind race even more. If that’s the case for you, focus on grounding yourself in your senses.
Go for a walk outside and feel the air on your skin. Take a run to shake off the stress. Cook something delicious and focus on the textures, smells, and flavors. Light a candle or take a scented bath, immersing yourself in the fragrance. Take a dance class in person or on YouTube. Listen to music that lifts your spirit or calms you down.
These are not distractions. These are tools for keeping yourself balanced so you can continue to be an active participant in making the world a better place.
Forget nonstop arguing or meme exchanging with people who disagree with you, especially those you’re close to. Chances are you’re going in circles. Be aware of our very human tendency to worst-case our partner’s views when we are stressed out.
If you do want to talk politics, focus on listening not rebutting. Think of the conversation as an opportunity to create just a little bit of mutual understanding. to connect your own views to your personal life experience and to learn how that’s true for your partner or family member. Set a time limit on the conversation. You’ll find an excellent format on the Braver Angels site.
You are not powerless. You are taking control where you can — by voting, by connecting with others, by honoring your values, and by taking care of yourself and your relationships. That means you’re not only safeguarding your own well-being but also maintaining the strength to face whatever comes next.
