Just heard these words from your partner? Feeling this way yourself? Either way, it’s a pivotal moment.
Whether you’re scared, or sad, or resigned, know that even though it feels like doom for your relationship, this sentence offers you the opportunity to breathe new life into it.
Falling out of love doesn’t need to be a terminal diagnosis. Instead, it’s a symptom — a symptom so common I think of it as a normal stage in the life of a marriage.
Every day in my Manhattan marriage counseling practice I talk to couples who have fallen out of love. Happily, I also see couples discover that with the tools and support they need, they can fall back in love.
Every marriage goes through different chapters. Sometimes partners are busy with aspects of life other than their relationship: career, kids, illness, an aging parent. Or they’re arguing so much that they start avoiding each other, maybe even turning to their work spouse. Or they’ve been growing and changing individually and feel like they’ve outgrown the marriage.
Partners like these have back-burnered their couple relationship The qualities that attracted them to each other and the life they dreamed of building haven’t gone away, but for a while they’ve been neglected.
And a marriage needs care and feeding. Falling out of love is often a sign that you haven’t been cultivating the creative growth a relationship needs to stay alive and thrive. It’s a wake-up call.
Instead of giving up, ask yourselves whether you’re ready to learn new ways to approach conflict and nurture intimacy. This can be your moment to explore the new possibilities that lie ahead.
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