Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy

Stop fighting. Enjoy each other again.

“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”
— Ursula K. Le Guin

Worn down by sarcasm, fighting, or stony silences? Missing the old warmth and affection? Arguing about sex, money, in-laws? Don’t wait until it’s too late. With the help of an active, constructive marriage counselor or couples therapist, you and your partner can stop arguing and rediscover the passion. You can stop avoiding one another and start feeling close again. You can build a strong, honest, mutually supportive relationship and sustain it for the rest of your lives.

Couples often come to see me after a near-disaster with marriage counseling. “Our last therapist asked us to talk about our feelings and sat there while we fought,” they tell me. The way I see it, you can do that at home for free. I don’t just sit back while you argue. Today’s marriage and couples counselors have access to an abundance of up-to-date research and practical tools to teach partners how to restore trust, connection, and romance in a relationship. There’s no excuse for a passive or chaotic process. That said, an experienced therapist won’t try to plug you into a cookie-cutter approach, either. An active therapist creates a structured process unique to your needs; she or he will listen carefully, respect each of your individual viewpoints, and nurture and support your growth as a couple. 

With the help of a skilled marriage counselor or couples therapist, you can learn new, more effective ways to speak and listen to each other. If you are stressed out, you can learn to carve out a nurturing, pleasurable space for each other in the midst of your busy week. You can find out how to transform your arguments into opportunities to manage conflict and work as a team. If you’re dealing with fertility treatments, get the support you need — and learn how to support each other. If there doesn’t seem to be “room” for different points of view in the relationship, you can discover new ways to accommodate individual needs. After an affair, you can work toward healing the hurt and rebuilding commitment and trust.

Most of all, you will learn to recognize what makes things go wrong, change the old patterns, and create the intimate, loving relationship you want. Modern relationships are growing and changing, but our longings for love, trust, and understanding are timeless.

I’m a member of Marriage Friendly Therapists, an advanced practitioner network featured in USA Today, National Public Radio, and the Harvard Mental Health Letter. The network is listed as a resource by the National Extension Relationship and Marriage Education Network, funded by the federal government, for couples who need marriage counseling. Here’s what they wrote: “The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists was developed to help marriages by linking couples with the most highly qualified therapists in the country.” 


What’s different about marriage and couples counseling with me?

Active coaching and support. Talking about your relationship to a stranger –even a trained and experienced professional — takes courage. You deserve a therapist who works in partnership to support your relationship 100 percent. Between sessions, if you’re overwhelmed or need support to build on what we’ve talked about in session, I provide a secure link through my practice portal and encourage you to stay in touch. That “safety net” has been demonstrated to prevent marital meltdowns and keep you on track to reach your goals.
Experience. After over 20 years in this profession, I have helped thousands of couples and partners build successful, intimate relationships.  You need more than a therapist with a playbook.  I stay current with the most recent research and solution-focused tools, drawing especially on the work of pioneers like John Gottman, Terry Real, and Sue Johnson, and I have priceless first-hand experience: married for over 20 years myself, I know how much couples benefit from down-to-earth mentoring and long-term perspective.
Marriage friendliness. Marriage isn’t easy. If you start our work blaming your partner for all your relationship problems, you’re likely to discover that the situation is more complicated. Marriage offers so many opportunities for growth. It takes a lifetime to build a marriage, and we are all learning all the time. That’s why I’m the last person in the room to give up on your marriage.  I’ve helped couples from across the country and around the globe.  When your marriage is at risk, choose a therapist who works in partnership with you to support your relationship 100 percent. 
Could a Marriage Intensive Work for You?
If a weekly standing appointment doesn’t work in your schedule, we may be able to arrange less frequent, longer sessions, from 90 minutes to 2 hours long. An option many find very helpful is a personal marriage intensive — two days in a row when you will have my (and each other’s) undivided attention for 3-5 hours in a row, an opportunity to focus on turning your relationship around. No phones, no ferrying kids around — just an opportunity to learn how to attune yourselves to each other. The personal marriage intensive is appropriate for people who would like to come to New York for marriage counseling, but also for busy people in the New York metro area who want to really understand what’s going wrong in their relationship and to learn new ways of relating that will set it right for a lifetime.  Should you or your partner decide that your marriage is beyond saving, you will know that you made every effort.

To decide whether a personal marriage intensive is a good choice for you, email or call me to set up a phone consultation to talk about your situation, to ask any questions you or your partner may have about my approach, scheduling, fees, etc.  Marriage intensive availability is extremely limited; sessions must be planned well in advance.

Hitting The Wall in your marriage

Not sure you want to start marriage or couples therapy?Considering divorce?

Discernment counseling offers a careful, research-based approach to help you gain confidence and clarity about the next step.

You can subscribe to my Real-Life Relationship Repairs by typing your email address into the Newsletter box at the right side of this page. Go to my Slow Marriage blog for research-backed reflections and inspiration on how to stop stressing and start enjoying each other.

Since 1990 I have been helping busy people in the New York area recover from pain and stress, gain confidence, and enjoy more trusting, fulfilling relationships.

To take the first step toward the life and relationship you want, reach out to me today. You can expect a prompt reply from me, usually within 3 hours.

Use the contact form to book an individual or couples/ marriage counseling session, or to ask questions and learn how I can help.