After an affair

Can your relationship ever be the same again?

It’s overwhelming. More than you ever imagined.

If your husband or wife was unfaithful, your world has turned upside down. You’re hurt and angry at your partner’s cheating. Now that you know about the infidelity, you ask yourself whether you were foolish to think your relationship meant anything at all. You might wonder whether your whole life has been a lie. Or suspect that your partner’s lover has some special quality that you lack. Can you ever trust your partner out of your sight again? Will you ever recover from this devastating discovery of your partner’s infidelity?

If you’re the one who had the affair, you may not be exactly sure how you ended up being unfaithful. You feel terrible at having hurt your partner, but you would also prefer to put the affair behind you instead of talking about it so much. You are not sure how to answer your partner’s questions. If there are children involved, you worry about the effect on them should your marriage end. Maybe the affair meant very little to you beyond the sex. Or maybe it was an emotional experience that opened you up in a new way that you’re reluctant to leave behind.

At the moment, you probably find it hard to imagine how this marriage can heal from infidelity or move forward. But in relationship therapy you will have the opportunity to share your feelings about the affair in a safe, structured setting. With my guidance and support, the two of you can take careful, deliberate steps toward rebuilding the marriage. You’ll learn what triggers the hurt partner’s flashbacks and anger, and find out how to manage these as a couple, restoring trust and peace at home. You’ll learn how to tune into each other better, building teamwork and open up to intimacy again. You can rediscover the closeness and joy you once shared. It’s not easy, but after an infidelity you can create a relationship that is stronger and richer than ever before…and mutually fulfilling for the rest of your lives.

For over 20 years I’ve been helping individuals and couples in the New York area heal from the pain of an affair. I’ve been quoted in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, USA Today,, and elsewhere on marriage, family life and infidelity.

I’m a member of Marriage Friendly Therapists, the elite advanced practitioner network featured in USA Today, National Public Radio, and the Harvard Mental Health Letter. The network is listed as a resource by the National Extension Relationship and Marriage Education Network, funded by the federal government, for couples who need marriage counseling. Here’s what they wrote: “The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists was developed to help marriages by linking couples with the most highly qualified therapists in the country.” You can count on me to use my expertise, experience and energy to provide the information, skills and support you need to rebuild your marriage.

Since 1990 I have been helping busy people in the New York area recover from pain and stress, gain confidence, and enjoy more trusting, fulfilling relationships.

To take the first step toward the life and relationship you want, reach out to me today. You can expect a prompt reply from me, usually within 3 hours.

Use the contact form to book an individual or couples/ marriage counseling session, or to ask questions and learn how I can help.