Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy

Stop fighting. Enjoy each other again.

“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”
— Ursula K. Le Guin

Worn down by sarcasm, fighting, or stony silences? Missing the old warmth and affection? Arguing about sex, money, in-laws? Don’t wait until it’s too late. With the help of an active, constructive marriage counselor or couples therapist, you and your partner can stop arguing and rediscover the passion. You can stop avoiding one another and start feeling close again. You can build a strong, honest, mutually supportive relationship and sustain it for the rest of your lives.

Couples often come to see me after a near-disaster with marriage counseling. “Our last therapist asked us to talk about our feelings and sat there while we fought,” they tell me. The way I see it, you can do that at home for free. Today’s marriage and couples counselors have access to an abundance of up-to-date research and practical tools to teach partners how to restore trust, connection, and romance in a relationship. There’s no excuse for a passive or chaotic process. An active therapist who creates a structured process will respect each of your individual viewpoints and will nurture and support your growth as a couple.


With the help of a skilled marriage counselor or couples therapist, you can learn new, more effective ways to speak and listen to each other. If you are stressed out, you can learn to carve out a nurturing, pleasurable space for each other in the midst of your busy week. You can find out how to transform your arguments into opportunities to manage conflict and work as a team. If you’re dealing with fertility treatments, get the support you need — and learn how to support each other. If there doesn’t seem to be “room” for different points of view in the relationship, you can discover new ways to accommodate individual needs. After an affair, you can work toward healing the hurt and rebuilding commitment and trust.

Most of all, you will learn to recognize what makes things go wrong, change the old patterns, and create the intimate, loving relationship you want.

I’m a member of Marriage Friendly Therapists, an advanced practitioner network featured in USA Today, National Public Radio, and the Harvard Mental Health Letter. The network is listed as a resource by the National Extension Relationship and Marriage Education Network, funded by the federal government, for couples who need marriage counseling. Here’s what they wrote: “The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists was developed to help marriages by linking couples with the most highly qualified therapists in the country.” 

On WorkingMother.com I write the Working Marriage blog.

You can subscribe to my Real-Life Relationship Repairs by typing your email address into the Newsletter box at the right side of this page.  Go to my Slow Marriage blog for research-backed reflections and inspiration on how to stop stressing and start enjoying each other.

What makes marriage and couples counseling with me different?

Support and flexibility. Talking about your relationship to a stranger –even a trained and experienced professional — takes courage. Your willingness to do so shows that no matter how painful things are, you have at least some hope that the two of you can regain your closeness and tenderness and learn to talk over your differences. You deserve a therapist who works in partnership to support your relationship 100 percent.
 
I enjoy working with couples and helping partners build successful, intimate relationships.  Sometimes marriage counseling can be challenging.  If you start our work blaming your partner for all your relationship problems, you’re likely to discover that the situation is more complicated; it takes a lifetime to build a marriage, and we all need to be open to learning.  Between sessions, if you’re overwhelmed or need support to build on what we’ve talked about in session, I provide a secure email link and encourage you to stay in touch. That “safety net” has been demonstrated to prevent marital meltdowns and keep you working productively to create the results you want.

 

If a weekly standing appointment doesn’t work in your schedule, you may be able to arrange less frequent, longer sessions, from 90 minutes to 2 hours long. An option many find very helpful is a personal marriage intensive — two days in a row when you will have my (and each other’s) undivided attention for 3-5 hours in a row, an opportunity to focus on turning your relationship around. No phones, no ferrying kids around — just an opportunity to learn how to attune yourselves to each other. The personal marriage intensive is appropriate for people who would like to come to New York for marriage counseling, but also for busy people in the New York metro area who want to really understand what’s going wrong in their relationship and to learn new ways of relating that will set it right for a lifetime.  Should you or your partner decide that your marriage is beyond saving, you will know that you made every effort.

To decide whether a personal marriage intensive is a good choice for you, email or call me to set up a phone consultation to talk about your situation, to ask any questions you or your partner may have about my approach, scheduling, fees, etc.  Marriage intensive availability is limited; sessions must be planned in advance.

Hitting The Wall in your marriage

Not sure you want to start marriage or couples therapy?  Considering divorce? Discernment counseling may help you get clear about the next step.

Since 1990 I have helped hundreds of people in the New York area heal from pain, feel more confident and enjoy more fulfilling relationships. For a free telephone or email consultation, email or call me today.

For fastest reply (usually within 3 hours), please use the contact form.

To leave me a confidential voicemail in NYC, call 646-801-8550. In Westchester, Rockland, Putnam, and Dutchess, call 914-941-6478